Letters to the Editor: April 2005

Published on 3 April 2005 in , ,

Wow! Has it really been a year since we answered your mail? No wonder the sack in the corner of the room is bulging more than the arm of a wrestler on steroids!

And with that, lets get straight to it with a letter from Doncaster.

U Da Bomb Bitch!

Date: 22 November 2004

u da bomb bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"westwood…piece out."

"mutha’ f***in’ bitchz."

"u da big dawg"

Err… Yes. Quite. Perhaps trying to resurect this page wasn’t quite such a good idea…


Date: 19 October 2004

dis yr he always gwain bout cuz dats how we duz it, what did my man not get tough english or sumfin

Duz u? Gwet awaz wit ya!

Sausage Factory Goes Bangers!

Date: 19 February 2004

north east factory makes 90 people redundent within 90 days the rest of the workforce to follow by october… Mr lazenbys teeside industrial estate middlesbrough notice will be give to the staff in a 9 oclock meeting friday

Ah, right. Well that is, it has to be said, bad news for those involved and indeed for lovers of good sausages. Still, these things happen and I’m sure all those involved will find something else – I personally recommend the Porkinson Banger. Great stuff.

Missing the Point Completely!

Date: 26 February 2004

why not have the sample instead of CRAP attempts at trying to sound out the jingles?

That would rather defeat the point of a website called Written Jingles wouldn’t it?

For those seeking additional hillarity, when I sent that response, the reply I got back was simply wonderful. To quote:

What the F are you talking about

The respondent hadn’t quite grasped that when two people share an email address as they clearly did, when one person sends an email to someone, there might just be situations where the other person doesn’t understand the replies…

No Reason!

Date: 16 September 2004

Hello,Please i want to learn more about remixing and producing hip hop /r&b music, do you have any toturial for that i have Reason Software but but i don’t really know how to use it. Thanks

Reason Software? Really? You chose that? Actually, I’ve never used it. I personally use Noreason instead – far better. But my advice to you is simple. Just twiddle buttons and see what happens. Works every time.


Date: 15 May 2004

I am having a party for my 3 year old girl on the 23 of May and i have hired a bouncy castle. I live in Washington and I would be most grateful if you could give me an idea of what the weather will be like. Thanks.

Unfortunatly Bods’s Weather Forecasting Service hadn’t launched in time for this in 2004, but thankfully it’s just gone on line and as such I can now give you a forecast for 23 May 2005!

Rain. Gallons of it. So much rain you’ll never quite believe it. Oh and it will snow the day after.


Date: 11 May 2004

i have previosly had a business and am currently thinking of opening another in the north east based on design and the arts, i was given your name for pr purposes, could you furnish me with further details of your company, pr and costs. thank you m plant

Unfortunatly with the opening of Bods’s Weather Forecasting Service, I no longer have the time to run Bods’s Amazing Public Relations Company, and as such I wound it up just last week. Still just so you know, my fee was £1,000 plus VAT, for which you get diddly squat on toast. For proper work, double it and add 35p. For that you’d get Kim Basinger. On a calender. Bought from the market and put in the post. Shame you missed the boat really.

In Da Mix!

Date: 6 May 2004

I read your article about remixing but I still need more info. What about the legalities, if you remix someone else’s song do you have to get permission? for example you mentioned to use something of the 70’s would you need permission to do this?

Nah. Just do it. It’s a laff if nothing else. Especially when the cops come round.

And Finally!

Date: 9 February 2005

hello my name is steve and i have just gone into the guinness book of records for having the longest tongue in the world,i was wondering if you could give me any info on getting contact numbers ect for putting this tongue to use in adverts ect as i am bashing my head trying to find then

I’d recommend Tongues R Us. They do a great line in kissagrams and are waiting for your call…

Well what more can be said? Well until next time anyway… In the meantime, why not read more of the drivel that is Letters to the Editor?