How to succeed in job interviews

Published on 26 April 2005 in ,

What with redundancies and things, you may be surprised to find out that there aren’t that many promotion opportunities for a hip, young, trendy dude like me (will you just stop laughing, PLEASE!)

But none the less I keep my eyes on the jobs- see what’s going down. And lo, there was one, bright and shiny..

Funnily enough it’s in the same department as a job I recently had an interview for.

Which cunningly means that if I went for the job, I’d probably be interviewed by the same people. Which means I could be really cunning and bore then to death telling them all about page numbers and re-brands for the second time in two months!

Of course I didn’t get the job last time, so what could I do two months on that would be the winning result? Well in a conversation with friends, I was told the winning plan would be to go in and do the exact opposite of everything I’d done before.

Is that a plan or what?! It’s so obvious. All I have to do is:

  1. look totally disinterested and bored
  2. be drunk
  3. have really bad stubble
  4. swear and insult the people interviewing me
  5. answer every question with a one word answer
  6. take a pizza into the interview room cos its lunchtime
  7. wear a suit and tie

Victory is assured!

That said, I’m not totally convinced by 6. I’ve never owned a suit in my life, and I wasn’t intending to buy one now.

Funnily enough this conversation took place in a pub (how did you guess) over a few pints (ditto) and we’d already had a couple (says hello to Mr Stating-the-obvious 2005) but I still think we might have been onto something….

However I’m afraid I don’t intent to try it out on this occasion – the application form won’t be filled in for my details.

I ain’t wearing a suit for anyone.