Eurovision: Told You So

Published on 13 May 2007 in , ,

Have to confess that I didn’t watch Eurovision – Catherine and myself were being more cultured and seeing the fantastic Waterson Family live at the Royal Albert Hall – but I came home to find we’d not only lost Eurovision, but we’d spectacularly come in joint second-to-last.

After confidently predicting we’d lose back in March, I confess I did spend some time on Saturday wondering if I’d have to eat my hat or something. Thankfully not it seems. And not only did we lose, we did it well.

Back in March, I said this:

If this country ever wishes to win Eurovision we have to be bold and strong. And we have to quite frankly stop the public selecting our song. There’s no way on this planet that the public of the United Kingdom would ever vote for something like Lordi – or indeed go down a different route entirely. And as such we’ll keep picking the bland, mass-market drivel-pop that gets us no where. And lose we will. And spend weeks wondering why we lost, only to go through and do exactly the same thing the following year.

Congratulations. We’ve lost Eurovision again!

And wondering people will be – indeed I cautiously looked at the BBC’s Points of View message board, which closed before the result, to see one thread with people confidentially predicting we’d be Top 5!

To be honest I’m not even sure there’s any hope of this country (or indeed any of the other big 4 countries – France, Germany and Spain) ever to win again even if a good song was submitted. As such, there is only one solution. We must enter with style.

Year on year we must find the worst, most appalling, most diabolical diatribe known to man. We must seek the ultimate position in Eurovision.

We must as a nation become the masters of the nul points! Then and only then will we be able to truly know our status in this world, and to accept it.