Eurovision 2003.

Published on 24 May 2003 in , , , ,

And here are the votes from the Ealing Jury… This will probably make no sense at all after the event, but hey, who cares?

Me in normal text, Catherine in italics.

1. Iceland.


2. Austria.


Should win!

3. Ireland.

Phoaw! Backing singers showing some leg there! (cynical attempt to get some extra votes?)

Cheesy, dull platitudes.

4. Turkey.

Terry Wogan: High jinks in the Harem!

If Ireland was a cynical attempt to bring sex into the voting, what was this? Still they could perform.


5. Malta.

She looks like Blossom!


6. Bozina & Hertzegovina.

Yeah, whatever. Can I go to bed now?


7. Portugal.

Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz Zzzz (is that Meatloaf doing backing vocals?)

8. Croatia.

Sounds very familiar (and could they not afford any clothes for the singer?) Strange mix of somet with “hit me baby one more time”.

Sounds like Nsync.

9. Cyprus.

Ricky Martin?

You’re feeling alive? What about the audience?

10. Germany.

Disco is dead. Everywhere but Germany!

So that’s what Steps are doing now.

I have a feeling this will do well.

11. Russia.

Tatu running through my head, running through my head….

Was it me or was the main lyric "brassiere"?

Terry Wogan: Mark my words, that’s going to divide Europe.

12. Spain.

If you could get points for a tan, they’d win.

13. Israel.

Ah, the old tearing clothes off trick.

Truly awful. And not in the good way.

14. Netherlands.

Air Guitar! No!

15. United Kingdom.

Right. Who selected this? Nil points!

Bad singing.

Are we trying to loose.

16. Ukrane.

Hasta la Vista baby?

17. Greece.

After the one from before, anything sounds brilliant.

I can see her breasts from here!

At least they chose someone who could sing. Unlike us.

18. Norway.

Ballads are always so hard to write witty comments about. So that’ll be Eurovision in Norway next year.

19. France.

It’s okay, for the type of song it is.

20. Poland.

Song about unified Europe. This won’t get many votes from Britain then. Mind you it’s pretty awful.

From a distance… Sounds like that song…


Daily Mail readers will be complaining to Greg Dyke in their droves about this one!

21. Latvia.

Wow. A host country who appear not to be trying to deliberately lose!

This is very Steps as well.

I don’t understand it.

This is why they should always sing in their own language.

22. Belgium.

It’s no fun if the song (and subtitles) is sung in an imaginary language!

Bit Afro Celt Sound System. Sounds nice!

Maybe worth a vote!

This this one will be underrated.

Is quite nice. Wouldn’t be embarrassed to see this in my CD collection.

23. Estonia.

Any song with "A cup of tea" about the 1980s has to be worth analysing.

Why? Why? It’s different. I quite like this one actually.

24. Romania.

She’s singing in a voice that most people use computers to get. Outstanding.

Is that comedy fake DJ, Dave Pearce? This is going to be a hit in Ibiza! This would be a hit if released over here.

25. Sweden.

Abba. Again.

Hmm. It’s Steps!

26. Slovinia.

Those leggings were very ill-advised.

It’s like Treasure Hunt outfits!

During the vote….

Some thoughts…

  • Why was Colin Berry not presenting the UK vote? I mean. Lorraine Kelly is just not the same. She just didn’t her part up like Colin did? In fact everyone did an impression of Colin except Britain!
  • Okay, so we were wrong. Belgium did VERY well in their votes, coming in a very close 2nd. I’m actually quite impressed that a song like that did so well in Eurovision. For once Europe had taste!
  • And as for Latvia… Well they were pretty bad at votes coming in at 5 points. Surprising. I would have thought it was a guaranteed hit!
  • How did Norway get Charlton Heston to announce their votes? I’m impressed!
  • Interesting to note the only countries to give their votes in French were… Belgium and of course France! I can’t help but wonder how long the French/English language split in the Eurovision Song Content will last.
  • Why did a good proportion of the votes from the countries, be presented to Europe, with the presenter sat with some odd looking road scene backdrop? Well of course the UK got the Millennium Wheel but we have to be different don’t we?
  • The award for the funniest dressed person giving votes goes to… LATVIA!

And as for Britain? No votes because of the war, or no votes because our entry were just so completely and utterly diabolical, sung by people who couldn’t sing in front of millions of people? Well as a Brit, the evidence in my eye goes firmly to the fact that Jemini were absolutely diabolical. As a Brit I was completely embarrassed by our entry. Never has nil points been so well deserved. And indeed we were only people to get absolutely nothing.

I mean, we’ll always get in Eurovision due to the huge amount of UK cash that goes into the European Broadcasting Union (along with countries like France and Germany) but that entry was just so awful…

And the score…

So the winner… By a nats crotchet… Turkey! Britain should do some Harem entries next time! Or at least get people who can sing…