Jumbucks. Just say NO

Published on 15 December 2005 in ,

The last time I thought about doing a post on these lines, well I forgot. And to be honest, I’m beginning to be thankful that I did. For the baton has been passed. And in style. Tonight I had the blandest, most tasteless food I have ever had in my life. And it was a Jumbucks pie.

Let me set the scene. It was about 8pm. We’d gone out at work for Christmas lunch, and by the time I even considered popping back to the office, it was 5pm. It just wasn’t going to happen.

So I thought I’d pop and do some Christmas shopping. Except it was 7pm by the time I left Ealing (where we’d gone for lunch), and I had to force myself away because two of my colleagues (hello) kept mentioning the Red Lion (Grr!. And to think I was the one who introduced it to them too!)

And thus it was that I hatched a plan. I’d pop in Wimbledon on the way home and get some stuff.

Well I got to Wimbledon, and it came to pass that unless you wanted lacy bras, or to buy DVDs from what appeared to be the worlds most expensive DVD store (Silverscreen DVD – your seriously overpriced DVD outlet. Visit now for the most extortionate way to buy a gift ever), I was a bit stuck cos nowt else was open.

By this point it’s 8pm and I’m feeling a bit peckish. I’ve seen Jumbucks in Shepherds Bush, and they’ve just opened one in Wimbledon. Hey, I’ll give a shop selling Australian pies a go. Why not?

Why not indeed?

Well how about the exceptional blandness of their pie? Yes, I think that might be a good enough reason. For, quite frankly, the pie I ate this evening, was by far the blandest, most tasteless food I have ever, EVER eaten in my life. This wasn’t bad tasting. This was just non-existant tasting. It apparently had meat in it. I know cos I put some in my mouth. But it just tasted of, well nothing. It was is my tastebuds had gone on a hundred mile hike, and wouldn’t be back for another fortnight.

In its blandness, Jumbucks have even beaten Brewers Fayre for the record of the blandest, most boring food I have ever tasted. It was truly awful.

Normally when an item of food is boring and tasteless, the people selling it put a bit of seasoning to make it taste nicer. Jumbucks didn’t appear to have even bothered to do that. In fact they’d clearly gone the opposite way – they’d found some amazing type of pepper that took flavour away from their food. Genius.

Not only that, but the pie was that hot, that it scolded the roof of my mouth. Ninety minutes after eating the pie (and I still don’t know why I bothered to finish it) and the roof of my mouth still has limited feeling in it.

And here’s the irony. Go to Jumbuck’s website and you’ll see the phrase "Tasting really is believing".

Obviously that quote is truncated. What it should be is "Tasting really is believing that the manufacturers of this pie, really have lost the plot. If they ever had it in the first place. Indeed, once you’ve tasted this rubbish, you will be of the firm conviction that McDonalds is the best tating, most scrumptious food in the world.".


  • Karen says:

    I would have to wholeheartedly disagree with you there sir.
    Let me set the scene! – it was about 2pm in the afternoon, we’d been given the rest of the day off work because it was friday and sales were going so well. So I decided to meet up with some good friends and go shopping and managed to pick up some real bargains in the sales.
    By around 5pm we were feeling pretty hungry so we stopped off to buy some Jumbucks pies. These pies were absolutely delicious – the meat was very lean and the pastry quite thin and tasty and above all they weren’t too salty (I noticed that you were quite into your jellied eels so maybe you like the more salty variety of foods?!). Anyway it seemed the perfect end to a perfect day!

  • Andrew Bowden says:

    I’ve only had jellied eels once and didn’t find them very salty. When it comes to salt though, I hardly use any in my cooking, and very little as a condiment. I’m the kind of guy who cooks extensively and I know how to make high quality food that tastes great using my homegrown herb garden with minimal sodium chloride, just to boost things. I also know all about bland – I’ve had the misfortune of eating in a Brewers Fayre. Worst lasange I’ve ever had in my entire life. It tasted of nothing. Like that pie.
    Thankfully the Jumbucks in Wimbledon is no longer trading. Indeed it closed within months of opening. The world is a better place.

  • James says:

    I had a Jumbucks from a pub, from an oven on the bar, one of best pies i’ve had in ages.. It had steak and guiness in it i think….yum

  • Julie says:

    Not jumbucks, brother toms is where its at !
    I hit the races at Sandown Park a while back, and found myself drooling at a pie stand. I tried a steak n cheddar pie – was damn good! I didn’t think to go back and ask if there was a store in London where I could buy them, but when I got home, I did a quick Google search. I found an online store that stocks them and placed an order a few days later. They offer a few flavours, and they are just awesome !
    You can find them here http://www.sanza.co.uk